So Much Have Changed!

So much have changed over 9yrs! I have divorced and moved on with my new family. This was something that I didn't plan for my life. I was a believer of one marriage forever. But life teaches us lessons that deviates from our plans. When we are young, our choice of life partners could be skewed. I was a very strong Christian back then and I totally believe in God's providence. On hind sight, this is totally not true. My beliefs influenced my life's choices. If I have the chance to relive my life all over again, I would stay far away from religions. With better understanding of humanity's past, it opened my eyes to the truth. I thought people would matured and be wiser with the passage of time. I was wrong. Time and time again, I forgave and tried to forget my ex's wrong doings and bad behavior but it didn't helps. In fact, it got wrost. Maybe because she thinks that I will never leave the family as I loved my children too much. I chosed to shut up most of the time when she went balastic with all the shouting and threats of self harm. She used the tactics to control my movement and I felt like a caged bird that struggled to breath. The last straw came when she became more demanding of my time and attention and controlling of my time with my colleagues. Over the years, I chosed to cool things off when she errupted just to protect my children from the trauma of parent's squarbbles. I have been through that terrible experience in my childhood and I do not wish my children go through it again. I honestly thought time would change her to be better and more mature. But I was wrong. When I met my current wife by chance, I went through deep struggle. I knew very well that she is the woman whom I want to spend my life with but I also struggle with the thoughts of having to leave my children. My plan was to leave the house but continue to work and finance my children through their studies. But it was cut short by my ex's messing up and destroying my career and livelihood. I believe she thinks that by cutting off my financial life line, I would return back to the family. She was so wrong. It pushed me further away and even more determined to walk a separate path hence forth. I believe the most satisfying experience one could have in this short life of ours is to invest in love. I am a big believer of loving my children the best way I could. It's an experience that nothing in this world can surpass. I grinded through the job that I don't like for decades just so as to bring them up the best way I could. I got a job that provides a car so that I can drive them everywhere. But all my efford seems to have been forgotten once they belive that I wrong their mother. They shut me off totally. I could have been a bastard and have loud quarrels with my ex but I chosen not to to protect them. Maybe I should have just let go and fight back then. More than 20yrs of hard work brought me nothing in the end. Like Job, I lost everything almost overnight; my career, my children and my home. I sold my car and left my country. It's the first time in my life that I became homeless and the stress was tremendeous. But that didn't dampened my belief of loving my children the best way I could. My focus turn to my new children with my current wife. My wife's a great person to be with. She is smart, fun loving, caring, strong willed in a good way, very hardworking, a good cook, and a good mother. Inspite of you age, my wife is surprisingly mature in her thinking. We can share with each other our deepest thoughts and have very similar outlook in life. There is nothing that we can't share under the sun. People around would think that she goes for my money and I go for her beauty, it couldn't be more wrong and we don't feel the need to justify our stand and decision. After more than 4 yrs of wounds licking overseas, I finally let got through the depression and let go of the past and picked up myself again. Much thanks to my wife who accepted me as I am and supported me during those very low moments of my life. The birth of my son certainly wakes me up from my hibernation in self pity. Determined to do better and make full use of my remaining years, I came back and started to rebuild my crumbled world. Just like Job, I gained back my wealth, my health, my home, my new wife and three children! In fact, I have much more now than before I left. I have gained more wisdom and is able to let go of the past instead of dwelling in it. My new family helps me to focus on what is important now and give me hope in the future. After 9 yrs of trying, I have finally arrived at the point whereby I am at peace with myself over the losses. I am happily remarried and enjoying life again with my new children and most importantly my new wife. Now I can say I am living life to the fullest!